The reality of living with an unsaved spouse is probably one of the hardest things imaginable, especially if they have no concept of God. My heart goes out to you and what you are probably enduring. It doesn’t matter how it happened, because regrets in this area are not going to help anything. You’ve got to find a way to salvage what you have and hope that the love that you have for them is strong enough to endure the days ahead.
In my early years of ministry whenever I encountered situations dealing with unsaved people, I used to beat them over the head with the Bible, shove scriptures down their throat and go into these long, enduring pray intercessions and would get so frustrated when nothing seemed to work. Then one day the Holy Spirit just told me to leave them alone and be there for them.
When I did, they slowly began to transform and salvation came to them through no effort of my own. When they were ready, I was there to pray for them. But what I learned during this time is that my preaching and praying were not what they needed. This only made them feel less worthy or even condemned, because they already knew they weren’t right. So what the Holy Spirit led me to do was just to be the best example of Christ for them by my lifestyle and to always be a person of prayer before them.
The Bible says that an unsaved spouse can be won over by our good behavior. That’s what I had to do. When I changed my behavior, God led them to him. The Bible also says that if an unsaved spouse is content to dwell with you peacefully, then it’s OK. Don’t nag, don’t preach, don’t plot to get them in church. Just pray and be the best Christian that you can be, and your light will lead them out of darkness.
God has marriages in the Bible that have survived an unsaved spouse situation. Consider Joseph and Asphenaz. He was sold out to God, and she was, from a biblical standpoint, an Egyptian heathen, but they learned to love each other and raised two beautiful children. If you look at what he named his children, you know he had a good marriage. I don’t know if she ever converted, but there is no biblical indication that she interfered with him serving God, and we know that he did to the point of even requesting his bones be taken out of Egypt upon his death to be buried with God’s people.
Look at Esther and Xerxes. Historians note that they had a very stable relationship. I personally believe that he eventually converted from his unbelief. But regardless, she was allowed to exalt God in their kingdom.
Marriages that survive this type of unequal balance that is caused by being married to an unsaved spouse are those that shift the focus from doing everything spiritually right to finding what they have in common and drawing the best from that. The spiritual part is left to the believer in their prayer closet to always present them to God and ask for their salvation. If you loved them once, you can love them again. If you had passion for them once, you can have passion for them again. If you had fun together once, you can have fun together again. I’m not saying that it will be easy, but I truly believe it is do-able. Love who they are, and NOT what they are not. If you need more support for an unsaved spouse situation feel free to contact me.
